Connecticut School Tragedy…Helping Young Children Cope With Trauma

Posted on December 15, 2012 by viviankirkfield

1993…The Year of the Graduations (Junior High, High School and College)

We raised our three children in a small Connecticut town less than thirty minutes from yesterday’s tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School. When I heard about it, my first thought was to call my kids (who are now 30-somethings with families of their own) and gather them close.

For twenty-five years we lived happily and…for the most part…peacefully. Our children went from elementary schools to middle schools to high schools and finally to college. We held onto their bike handles as they learned to ride a two-wheeler and we held onto our hearts as they learned to drive a car. They kept us up at night when they were babies…and we stayed up late when they got older, waiting for them to come home from a date or event. We shared their joys and sorrows…helped them with their homework and tried to guide them along the difficult path of growing up.

They didn’t always agree with our rules…and we didn’t always agree with their behavior. But I would do it all over again in the blink of an eye.

There are twenty sets of parents in Sandy Hook tonight who have been robbed of this. There are twenty sets of parents in Sandy Hook tonight who will never help their children ride two-wheelers, or watch them perform in school plays or walk them down the aisle when they get married.

My heart goes out to everyone involved…the residents of Sandy Hook/Newtown, the school staff, the family and friends of the shooter and those directly impacted…parents, friends and families of the children and adults who were murdered.

I know that every parent who heard about this is praying for the families. If you have young children, you may be wondering how to handle this situation. Those directly impacted will be receiving professional counseling…but what should you do if your family was not part of this horrific event?

If your children have heard about the tragedy, encourage them to talk about it.
Be honest with them…but age-appropriately…if your children see you are upset, tell them you are sad about what happened because these are real people, not video game or movie characters.
Reassure them that this was a bad thing that happened, but that you will keep them safe and that there will always be someone to take care of them.
Tell them you are happy that they are fine and that you love them.
Young children may not verbalize what they are feeling, so watch your child’s behavior.
If you see a sudden change in your child’s behavior, consult your pediatrician.
With all the news on the media, even children who have not been directly involved may experience trauma and need counseling.
Speak calmly about the situation and try to carry on with planned events and regular routines.

The holiday season should continue…because keeping to routines is one of the best ways to reassure children that all is well. So I will continue with my post as planned.

There is a holiday writing contest over at Susanna Leonard Hill’s blog.

dashing through the snow

The Contest: Write a children’s holiday story beginning with any version of “Dashing through the snow in a one horse open sleigh.” You may use that actual opening, or you may change it to any similar version “[Verb of your choice]ing through the [any substance you choose] in a [conveyance of any kind].” For example, “Dashing through the sand in a two-wheeled donkey cart” or “Sloshing through the swamp in a green and white canoe” or “Flying through the air in a striped hot air balloon…” You get the idea, I’m sure 🙂 But “Dashing through the snow in a one horse open sleigh” is completely acceptable too – whatever works for you 🙂 Your story may be poetry or prose, silly or serious or sweet, religious or not, based on Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or whatever you celebrate, but is not to exceed 350 words (because I have to read them all in the week before Christmas! :))

I love Susanna’s contests…they encourage me to think ‘outside the box’ when it comes to writing children’s stories.

Because I’ve been so busy, I had left the writing of the story until the last-minute. With the tragedy in the news, I was tempted to write a somber tribute…but decided instead to submit something light and silly…something that might bring a smile to the faces of the children who were in the school, but survived. Based on the nursery rhymes that all children know and love, I give you, “Mother Goose, Apple Juice, Chocolate Mousse and More!”

Mother Goose, Apple Juice, Chocolate Mousse and More

by Vivian Kirkfield (228 words)

Hiking through the snow

In brand-new Christmas boots.

Tripping as we go

On gnarly old tree roots.

Humpty-Dumpty rolls,

Then Jack and Jill fall down.

Muffet drops her bowls

As we pass through the town.

Mother Goose

Apple juice

Chocolate mousse and more

We’re on our way to The House Jack Built

For a holiday galore!

We can’t find the sheep

Bo Peep has lost them all.

Wee Willie wants to sleep

He leans against the wall.

We’ll have lots to eat

Jack Horner brought his pie

Hot Cross Buns are sweet

And Jack Sprat made stir-fry.

Mother Goose

Apple juice

Chocolate mousse and more

We’re on our way to The House Jack Built

For a holiday galore!

Everyone is dressed

In special party clothes

Peter Piper’s vest

Has pickle juice and bows.

Mother Hubbard’s kids

Each wears a new chemise.

Bobby Shaftoe skids

On silver buckled knees

Mother Goose

Apple juice

Chocolate mousse and more

We’re on our way to The House Jack Built

For a holiday galore!

Here we are at last

Sweet music fills the air

Horn gives out a blast

Boy Blue blows with great flair.

Mary and her lambs

Hip-hop the whole night long.

Lucy Locket jams

With King Cole’s fiddlers’ song.

Mother Goose

Apple juice

Chocolate mousse and more

We’re on our way to The House Jack Built

For a holiday galore!

I hope you all enjoy this silly little children’s holiday rhyming story. In the next few days, many others will be linking up on Susanna’s contest page. Go and check them out…you won’t be disappointed!

And please come back on Sunday…I have a wonderful guest poster, author and amazing personality speaker, Sheila Glazov…you definitely won’t want to miss it!!!

How To Talk To Children After Tragedies (pittsburgh.cbslocal.com)
Connecticut: ‘Our Hearts Are Broken Today’ (ionglobaltrends.com)
Some Thoughts on the Connecticut Tragedy (dickstersrandomthoughts.com)
Stars React After Connecticut School Shooting Leaves 27 Dead @rewindonnet (rewindonnet.wordpress.com)
President Obama Cries As He Discusses Connecticut Massacre (urbanmommies.net)

75 thoughts on “Connecticut School Tragedy…Helping Young Children Cope With Trauma”

Perfecting Motherhood on December 15, 2012 at 7:43 am said:

Very fun holiday story you wrote, and a very horrific event in CT, especially just before Christmas. Where did you live in CT? I lived in Middletown for 5 years.

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- viviankirkfield on December 16, 2012 at 1:02 am said:
  
  We lived in Watertown (right next to Waterbury and Woodbury)…from 1972 to 1996. 🙂
  
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Catherine Johnson on December 15, 2012 at 12:15 pm said:

And horrible time for so many parents to lose their little ones, what a horrid selfish act.
On a brighter note that is a wonderful entry, Vivian. I love it!

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- viviankirkfield on December 16, 2012 at 1:04 am said:
  
  And now there are many parents without children…and children without parents…and a community reeling in shock and disbelief…so very sad. Encouraging kids to talk about what is bothering them is so very important…just as in my PPBF book yesterday. Glad you liked the contest entry, Catherine…I will be reading them later tonight. 🙂
  
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Jarm Del Boccio on December 15, 2012 at 1:41 pm said:

Thanks for the thoughtful post, Vivian. You are certainly closer to the crisis. None of us can be guaranteed safety, but, we can hold our children closer because of it.
Good job on your entry…I don’t know if I will have the time to create one!

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- viviankirkfield on December 16, 2012 at 1:08 am said:
  
  Thanks for the kind words, Jarm. Perhaps that is the silver lining in this cloud of tragedy…it would be great if parents will listen more carefully and act on concerns they or their children may have. You still have a couple of days to write something up…but don’t drive yourself crazy…there is only so much one person can do. 🙂
  
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thiskidreviewsbooks on December 15, 2012 at 3:29 pm said:

You give good advice Ms. Kirkfield. I was thinking of not posting my entry today. There have been bad things this week. The school shooting and earlier this week, someone tried to abduct a kid from my school who was walking home. It’s all scary. I like your advice of “The holiday season should continue…because keeping to routines is one of the best ways to reassure children that all is well.” I posted my entry.

I like your entry! It is so unique! I would have never thought to write something like that! 🙂

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- viviankirkfield on December 16, 2012 at 1:12 am said:
  
  Oh Erik…you made my evening! Thank you so much for letting me know that my entry encouraged you to post yours…I can’t wait to read it!!!! I know it will be fantastic. 🙂 I’m sorry about the incident at your school…it is scary and sad that there are some people who are ill in ther minds and do bad things. We all need to be alert to what is going on…walk places with friends…and tell adults when we feel something is not right.
  
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Romelle Broas on December 15, 2012 at 4:00 pm said:

You have a beautiful family, Vivian. Thank you for sharing those tips on how to deal with this horrific tragedy. Yes, we should continue our routines, but of course our hearts will be with the families of this event. We will not forget.

I enjoyed your story. I love the fact that you’ve incorporated all the nursery rhyme characters into your story. The party at the house Jack built is going to be a blast! Love your title too.

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- viviankirkfield on December 16, 2012 at 1:14 am said:
  
  Thanks for your very thoughtful comment, Romelle. 🙂 It was hard writing the story, because my mind was on the tragedy…but it helped to concentrate on trying to fit in as many Mother Goose nursery characters as I could.
  
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Tracy Campbell on December 15, 2012 at 5:15 pm said:

Hi Vivian,
Such a tragedy and so close to home. My prayers are with your community.
Your poem was delightful.
And I forget to comment on a couple of posts back about your retirement. I’m so happy for you and I wish you the best success as you embark full-time on writing career! 😀
Merry Christmas, Vivian!
Tracy

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- viviankirkfield on December 17, 2012 at 3:34 am said:
  
  Thank you so much, Tracy! We’ve been in Colorado for 16 years now…but we lived in a small CT town for 25 years before we moved here…and drove through Newtown many times.
  And thanks for the good wishes…I am looking forward to having more time. 😉
  
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Joanna on December 15, 2012 at 7:34 pm said:

Thoughtful and helpful introduction to today’s post, Vivian, and your family are just lovely;

As for your story, I ADORE in particular your chorus!

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- viviankirkfield on December 16, 2012 at 1:17 am said:
  
  I hope the post is helpful…there have been so many tragedies lately. 😦 Parents often are at a loss to know what to do or say…so I thought it would be good to list a couple of things that might assist them. 🙂 I’m so glad you liked my entry, Joanna…the chorus was fun to write…and fun to read. 🙂 Can’t wait to read all of the others.
  
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Laura Renauld on December 15, 2012 at 9:04 pm said:

Your blog is more important than ever in these difficult times. Thank you for reminding us to keep to routine and offering us some laughter. A delightful take on the writing contest challenge!

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- viviankirkfield on December 16, 2012 at 1:19 am said:
  
  Knowing that my post might help parents and kids is definitely a comfort, Laura! Thank you for letting me know that…and I’m glad you liked my take on the contest. 🙂
  
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Rebecca Fyfe on December 15, 2012 at 11:07 pm said:

I love the way you incorporated old nursery rhyme characters into your story. 🙂

And I think, with all the horror of the news around us, light and silly was a good direction to go with this.

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- viviankirkfield on December 16, 2012 at 1:21 am said:
  
  I really hesitated last night, Rebecca…not wanting to offend…but feeling that ‘light and silly’ as you say…was the way to go. In the morning I heard several ‘experts’ talking about how parents can help kidsdeal with this trauma…and was happy to hear them receommend exactly what I had written. So I feel good about the advice I gave…and hope everyone agrees about the contest entry. 🙂
  
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patientdreamer on December 16, 2012 at 1:45 am said:

Wow! This is an amazing entry! Very creative indeed. Have to say, that your post was very caring and thoughtful, and it’s a pleasure to know you Vivian. Thankyou so much for this.

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- viviankirkfield on December 17, 2012 at 12:46 am said:
  
  I appreciate your feedback, Diane! Sometimes I wonder if all of this blogging is ‘worth it’…that is, are people reading it and hearing the message and is what I am saying helping anyone. And then I read a lovely comment like yours…and I know that it is worth it…and I should keep on doing it. 🙂 🙂
  
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Patricia Tilton on December 16, 2012 at 4:14 am said:

Clever to include all the nursery rhymes in your poem. Just loved it! Also a very thoughtful post.

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- viviankirkfield on December 17, 2012 at 1:08 am said:
  
  Glad you liked it, Pat! I knew I had to reach out to parents in some helpful way regarding the tragedy. Just got back from our local SCBWI meeting (we have one every 2 months)…I brought my submission/cover letter for “Whom Do I Love”…and they were SOOO helpful…as in cutting out three-quarters of it. 🙂 Which was much needed. 🙂 Less is more!
  
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nrhatch on December 16, 2012 at 5:17 am said:

Wonderful post, Vivian.

There is only one way to conquer the darkness of sorrows and tragedies that befall us . . . we must create MORE LIGHT.

Here’s to Light, Love, and Laughter.

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- viviankirkfield on December 17, 2012 at 1:13 am said:
  
  Spot-on, Nancy! That is exactly how I feel! Not to minimize or trivialize the horrors of war or murder or other horrific events…but to empathize with the victims and survivors, empower them to cope and energize them with hope for the future. 🙂
  
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Renee LaTulippe (@ReneeMLaTulippe) on December 16, 2012 at 10:02 am said:

What a beautiful family you have. Thanks for this thoughtful post, and for bringing some lightness to a horrible time. Your entry is clever and delightful and will surely bring smiles to all who read it. 🙂

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- viviankirkfield on December 17, 2012 at 1:19 am said:
  
  Thank you so much, Renee…for your kind words. I am very much a ‘family’ person (no surprise there) and I am proud of my children, who are children no longer. 🙂 I’m so happy you liked the contest entry…tonight I will be reading everyone else’s.
  
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izatrapani1 on December 16, 2012 at 1:32 pm said:

A beautiful family, indeed! Your wise suggestions on helping children and families deal with the tragedy are very much appreciated. Thank you.
As for your entry, well you know I love everything Mother Goose, so it sure delighted me! Great job!

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- viviankirkfield on December 17, 2012 at 1:25 am said:
  
  Oh my, Iza…I’m honored…it’s often hard for people to know what to say or what to do for children when tragedy strikes..if my suggestions will help others in this or other situations, I am glad.
  And I’ll equally honored that the entry ‘delighted’ you…I’m sure you can see my smile from here. 🙂 🙂
  
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Susanna Leonard Hill on December 16, 2012 at 4:43 pm said:

First I have to say what how lovely and articulate your thoughts were about raising your family, and how right you are about the children and families who have been robbed of this – so heartbreaking. Sometimes there really just aren’t words… but you said it beautifully.

Second, I appreciate your understanding, support and willingness to go along with my decision to continue with the holiday contest. It’s hard to know what the right thing is, but I agree that routines help in time of distress, and it is my hope that the stories people write will lift readers’ hearts at least for a moment or two.

I loved your entry! So silly and fun, and all those nursery rhyme characters – certainly “people” kids can relate to and imagine! Great job, and thank you so much for entering. 🙂

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- viviankirkfield on December 17, 2012 at 1:30 am said:
  
  Just say…Susanna’s Contest…and there I will be…neither snow, nor sleet, nor…..will deter me from entering.:) I appreciate your sweet comment, Susanna…glad you liked the Mother Goose theme. 🙂
  
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Cathy Ballou Mealey on December 16, 2012 at 7:30 pm said:

I’m baking extra cookies for the nice women who have buzzed me, and countless other parents and visitors, into my children’s schools hundreds if not a thousand times. How grateful I am for their vigilance!

I think your story is just right – with a focus on Mother Goose it preserves the very essential themes of childhood, stories of innocence, trust, goodness and humor.

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- viviankirkfield on December 17, 2012 at 1:47 am said:
  
  I, too, am thankful for the added security at most schools…the first time I went to a school presentation, I was taken aback at the locked doors, intercom and questions as to who I was and what was I doing there. It was very different from when I had taught or even when my own children were students. Unfortunately, it is a necessary precaution these days…and is not always fool-proof. 😦 Thanks, Cathy…I hoped that the Mother Goose theme would honor the childhood that was cut short for all of those little ones…and countless others all over the world.
  
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Deborah Holt Williams on December 16, 2012 at 8:06 pm said:

All the nursery characters together reminds me of the dance scene at the end of Shriek, which I loved! The familiar is so comforting in these baffling times. I read that adults realize the showing of images over and over on tv is a rerun, but that children think it happened again and again. Here’s to turning off the tv and reading stories! (OK, after the Bronco game.)

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- viviankirkfield on December 17, 2012 at 7:26 am said:
  
  I know, Deborah…we can never go wrong with turning off the TV and reading a picture book to young children. You make a really great point…young children cannot separate fantasy from fact…and seeing horrific news reports is something parents need to shield kids from for the very reason you mention…over and over and over again…it will cause kids to become numb and accepting of violence.
  
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Beth Stilborn on December 16, 2012 at 11:32 pm said:

Your words in the introduction to this post are so very, very *right*. Thank you so much for them. And your poem is such fun, with all the nursery rhyme characters. Thank you, Vivian!

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- viviankirkfield on December 17, 2012 at 1:49 am said:
  
  I’m so happy you feel that way, Beth…it was hard writing the post…and the contest entry…but I’m glad tat I did them. 🙂
  
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Cheryl Secomb on December 17, 2012 at 12:29 am said:

I really enjoyed your rhyme with the Mother Goose characters. Very imaginative and fun to read. Well done!

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- viviankirkfield on December 17, 2012 at 2:15 am said:
  
  I’m so happy you stopped by, Cheryl…and I appreciate your lovely comment! Glad you enjoyed the story. 😉
  
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cyclingrandma on December 17, 2012 at 2:31 am said:

We can’t protect our kids, but sure wish we could put them in a bubble. Good suggestions. We need more mental health workers too.

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- viviankirkfield on December 17, 2012 at 2:50 am said:
  
  Yup…you are right, Lisa. As much as we might want to, we can’t protect our kids from the world…we can only encourage them to be loving, caring…and alert.
  
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