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THE LAST LESSON OF THE PENCIL MAKER:

 TO BE THE BEST PENCIL,

YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE GUIDED BY THE HAND THAT HOLDS YOU.

The year: 1952. 

The place: Central Park, New York City. 

The event: The Annual Easter Egg Rolling Contest.

My parents had taken us to the annual festivities at Central Park.  It was a crisp spring day, the sun’s rays barely providing any warmth.  But I was excited to be old enough to take part in the annual egg rolling contest.  Clutching a spoon in one hand and a hard-boiled egg in the other, I stood patiently at the starting line with dozens of other four and five-year olds.  ON YOUR MARK!  GET SET!  GO!  And off we went, family members cheering us on, each of us bending over, pushing our own hard-boiled egg, trying to stay within the chalk-drawn lines.  It seemed like forever, but I continued, head down, eyes on the rolling egg, until I reached the finish line. 

I don’t remember who won…but I do remember looking up, turning all around to see where my parents and sister were.  And I remember not finding them (they hadn’t realized they would need to be on the finish line side when the race was over)…wandering around amidst the mass of parents and children, until a kind lady took my hand in hers and brought me over to the podium where several other lost children were waiting to be claimed.   I remember also the relief and utter happiness that filled my heart when I felt my hands being clasped in the warm security of my parents’ hands as they guided me out of the park and back to our home.

The last lesson of the pencil maker: TO BE THE BEST PENCIL, YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE GUIDED BY THE HAND THAT HOLDS YOU.  As with the previous four posts, this lesson relates to parenting.

Young children are usually willing to be guided by their parents…except for the “terrible twos” perhaps.  We are HEROES to our little ones and they do believe everything we say.  But, as we grow up, we often shy away from the instruction of our parents and other adults because we feel we know best…we want our independence.  And gaining independence is a very important step in a person’s development.

There is a joke about the wisdom of parents…it goes something like this: When we are 5, our parents know everything.  When we are 15, we think they know nothing.  When we are 30, we begin to realize they know a thing or two. 

Now, not every 15-year-old thinks his parents know nothing and similarly, there are many 30-year olds who still think their parents are clueless.  However, just about EVERY 5-year-old believes his parents know EVERYTHING.  So parents, take advantage of this role as HERO and WISE PERSON.  Your child trusts you…he is the pencil in your hand…and when he is young, he is willing to be guided as to what his beliefs, behavior. Interests and values will be.  The responsibility of a parent is an awesome one. 

1.     Be a good role model.  As I stated in yesterday’s post, please don’t tell your child to behave a certain way and then turn around and disregard your own rules.

2.     Be a listener as well as a talker.  Young children have a lot to say and they need to be heard with attention and respect.  When you are with your child, really be WITH him…joyful interaction is the keystone of Positive Parental Participation.

3.     Show them you value their ideas and opinions.  Perhaps your children can help plan the dinner menu or provide input into a discussion on an upcoming vacation.

4.     Be loving and understanding…and also firm and consistent.  I believe that consistency is a key factor in encouraging good behavior patterns.

5.     Help your children learn to care about others and the environment.  It can be as simple as taking a walk through the neighborhood with a big plastic bag to hold the litter you all pick up.  Or make a batch of cookies together and let your children draw some pictures and bring them to a local nursing home to cheer up some of the residents who may not have family nearby.

6.     Be patient and continue to give them praise for their efforts as they work towards mastering tasks and skills.

7.     Help your children understand that there are consequences for their actions and behaviors and make sure you follow through.  If your child knows that he will miss going to the park if he doesn’t pick up his toys and you let him go even though the toys are still all over the floor, you are teaching him that he doesn’t have to pick up his toys.  It’s really as simple as that.

If I had to simplify these suggestions…and this New Year seems to be all about simplifying things, I guess I would say – it’s as easy as 1, 2, 3:

1.     BE CONSISTENT

2.     USE PATIENCE AND PRAISE

3.     LISTEN TO THEM, LAUGH WITH THEM, AND LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY