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Have you ever done something wrong, but were afraid to admit it? And to cover it up, did you pass the blame off on someone else?
In my grandmother’s day, a husband’s word was law. I never knew my grandfather, who passed away when I was an infant, but I’ve heard that he was a strict man. My grandmother told me that at dinnertime, she would pass out books to each of her five children so that there would be quiet at the dinner table. I don’t know whether my grandmother and her husband conversed…but I know the children ate with their heads buried in their books. These days, most of us encourage conversation at the dinner table…it’s a wonderful time to relate the day’s events and share interesting moments. And, although we might be horrified at a father who insisted on silence during dinner, you’ll have to admit that this policy did provide time for the children to read. 🙂
My grandfather had purchased one of the first cars made…a Model T…and I’m sure he was extremely proud of it. I don’t know if you needed a license to drive a car in those days…but I know my grandmother didn’t have one…nor did she know how to drive. However, one spring morning she decided that it was time for her to drive the car. Taking it out on the street, she drove around the neighborhood, quite pleased with herself.
And then she came to a very narrow street.
With cars parked on both sides.
And both side-lanterns were ripped off.
As the last rays of the setting sun glinted off the shiny black surface of the car, my grandfather returned home from work. I can imagine his horrified stare as he realized that the side-lanterns of his precious car were missing. His roar of rage could probably be heard half-way down the street…certainly my grandmother heard it in the kitchen where she was preparing dinner.
“What happened to the car? Did YOU drive it?” he shouted, angrily. My grandmother paused for only a moment and then replied softly, “Walter drove it and I don’t know where he is.”
Walter was their oldest son…probably about 15 years old at the time. As soon as she had returned home with the damaged car, my grandmother had told him the story and had pleaded with him to take the blame, but that she would hide him in the cellar for a few days until my grandfather had cooled off. After all, the family could continue along for a few days without Walter, but what would the other children do if something happened to her.
I guess my grandfather did cool off, because years later, when I knew my uncle Walter, he was a successful musician, and he did NOT live in the cellar. 🙂
This story made a very deep and lasting impression on me when my grandmother told it to me many years ago. The lesson I learned was that if you want a child (or anyone) to tell you the truth, you have to:
- Try to listen without judgment or condemnation.
- Try to be patient.
- Try not to scream or scold or lose your temper.
- Deal out fair and reasonable punishments or consequences for misbehavior.
Positive parenting takes time and effort…laying that foundation of trust and respect
when children are young reaps wonderful benefits as they get older and helps create a life-long parent-child bond.
Please stop by tomorrow for the last installment of The Grandma Chronicles: Many Peach Trees Grow in Brooklyn.
