Scarlett O’Hara: Goal-Setting Goddess

Posted on January 13, 2011 by viviankirkfield

Image via Wikipedia

Have you ever seen the movie, “Gone With The Wind”? My husband always laughs at me because I’ve probably seen it a dozen times or more. It’s an epic love story based on the Pulitzer Prize-winning novel by Margaret Mitchell that takes place during the American Civil War. It portrays the relationships between the main characters, Scarlett O’Hara, Rhett Butler, Melanie Hamilton and Ashley Wilkes, and it explores how each act and react during the turmoil of war.

If you’ve seen the movie, I’m sure you can picture that iconic scene when Scarlett, the spoiled daughter of a wealthy plantation owner, returns to her beloved Tara after fleeing from the burning, war-torn city of Atlanta. Starving, she searches the ravaged vegetable garden and finds only a few withered turnips (or maybe they were parsnips). She stuffs them into her mouth, but her empty stomach is no match for dirty withered roots and she falls to the ground, vomiting. Picking herself up, she raises her fist skyward and declares that no matter what she has to do from now on, “I will never go hungry again”. And she doesn’t!

Many of you may feel that Scarlett is not a very nice person and you would probably be right. Early in the movie, she marries Charles Hamilton for spite to get back at Ashley Wilkes, whom she believes she really loves but who has just announced he is marrying his cousin, Melanie Hamilton (Charles’ sister). Widowed almost immediately (Charles gets sick and dies before he goes to battle), Scarlett goes on to marry her sister’s long-time suitor, a moderately successful store owner, in order to get $300 from him to pay the taxes on her plantation which is in danger of foreclosure. And, after he dies, she marries Rhett Butler, the dashing Southern gentleman turned scoundrel turned privateer. She says she married a boy and an old man and now she wants someone handsome and rich so that she can have fun and never have to worry about money again and will have everything she ever wanted (except Ashley who remains happily married to Melanie). In the end, Rhett does leave her (just when she finally realizes that she doesn’t really want Ashley, but has loved Rhett all along) and Scarlett exhibits the second and third of her strongest and most positive qualities: she is forever hopeful and she never gives up. As the door closes on Rhett and he exits her life, she has a moment in despair – and then looks up with her face alight again and declares, “I’ll go home to Tara. Tomorrow is another day!”

Is there a parenting lesson here you might ask? Yes, I think so. As parents, we need to:

1. Help our children learn to set goals. And follow through with reaching them!

2. Allow our children to fail, while always encouraging them to succeed. This builds true self-esteem. Try, try again is an old adage…but perseverance, especially in the face of adversity and disappointment, is very important to success in life. Thomas Edison, the famous inventor, said that genius was 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.

3. Provide our children with a sense of security…we will be there for them no matter what. Scarlett’s security was her home…she knew she could always recover if she went back there. Children will come to you with their concerns if they know they won’t be judged or criticized.

4. Instill in our children a feeling of hopefulness…problems CAN be solved…there are often other options just waiting to be revealed. Sometimes just talking about a situation can uncover solutions.

So if you haven’t seen the movie, you might want to watch it and observe how goal-oriented Scarlett O’Hara is…and check out her unbelievable level of hope and perseverance in the face of all kinds of disasters. And if you’ve seen it before, perhaps I’ve reawakened a wish to see it again. It’s definitely a classic! The Academy Awards will be broadcast on February 27^th. I know that many people enjoy seeing movies that have won the Oscar in previous years. In 1939, Gone With The Wind won 10 Oscars, a record that stood for over 20 years.

Stop by tomorrow for a post about Melanie Hamilton…princess of patience and loyal friend extraordinaire.

The Pencil Maker’s Final Lesson

Posted on January 12, 2011 by viviankirkfield

Image via Wikipedia

THE LAST LESSON OF THE PENCIL MAKER:

TO BE THE BEST PENCIL,

YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE GUIDED BY THE HAND THAT HOLDS YOU.

The year: 1952.

The place: Central Park, New York City.

The event: The Annual Easter Egg Rolling Contest.

My parents had taken us to the annual festivities at Central Park. It was a crisp spring day, the sun’s rays barely providing any warmth. But I was excited to be old enough to take part in the annual egg rolling contest. Clutching a spoon in one hand and a hard-boiled egg in the other, I stood patiently at the starting line with dozens of other four and five-year olds. ON YOUR MARK! GET SET! GO! And off we went, family members cheering us on, each of us bending over, pushing our own hard-boiled egg, trying to stay within the chalk-drawn lines. It seemed like forever, but I continued, head down, eyes on the rolling egg, until I reached the finish line.

I don’t remember who won…but I do remember looking up, turning all around to see where my parents and sister were. And I remember not finding them (they hadn’t realized they would need to be on the finish line side when the race was over)…wandering around amidst the mass of parents and children, until a kind lady took my hand in hers and brought me over to the podium where several other lost children were waiting to be claimed. I remember also the relief and utter happiness that filled my heart when I felt my hands being clasped in the warm security of my parents’ hands as they guided me out of the park and back to our home.

The last lesson of the pencil maker: TO BE THE BEST PENCIL, YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE GUIDED BY THE HAND THAT HOLDS YOU. As with the previous four posts, this lesson relates to parenting.

Young children are usually willing to be guided by their parents…except for the “terrible twos” perhaps. We are HEROES to our little ones and they do believe everything we say. But, as we grow up, we often shy away from the instruction of our parents and other adults because we feel we know best…we want our independence. And gaining independence is a very important step in a person’s development.

There is a joke about the wisdom of parents…it goes something like this: When we are 5, our parents know everything. When we are 15, we think they know nothing. When we are 30, we begin to realize they know a thing or two.

Now, not every 15-year-old thinks his parents know nothing and similarly, there are many 30-year olds who still think their parents are clueless. However, just about EVERY 5-year-old believes his parents know EVERYTHING. So parents, take advantage of this role as HERO and WISE PERSON. Your child trusts you…he is the pencil in your hand…and when he is young, he is willing to be guided as to what his beliefs, behavior. Interests and values will be. The responsibility of a parent is an awesome one.

1. Be a good role model. As I stated in yesterday’s post, please don’t tell your child to behave a certain way and then turn around and disregard your own rules.

2. Be a listener as well as a talker. Young children have a lot to say and they need to be heard with attention and respect. When you are with your child, really be WITH him…joyful interaction is the keystone of Positive Parental Participation.

3. Show them you value their ideas and opinions. Perhaps your children can help plan the dinner menu or provide input into a discussion on an upcoming vacation.

4. Be loving and understanding…and also firm and consistent. I believe that consistency is a key factor in encouraging good behavior patterns.

5. Help your children learn to care about others and the environment. It can be as simple as taking a walk through the neighborhood with a big plastic bag to hold the litter you all pick up. Or make a batch of cookies together and let your children draw some pictures and bring them to a local nursing home to cheer up some of the residents who may not have family nearby.

6. Be patient and continue to give them praise for their efforts as they work towards mastering tasks and skills.

7. Help your children understand that there are consequences for their actions and behaviors and make sure you follow through. If your child knows that he will miss going to the park if he doesn’t pick up his toys and you let him go even though the toys are still all over the floor, you are teaching him that he doesn’t have to pick up his toys. It’s really as simple as that.

If I had to simplify these suggestions…and this New Year seems to be all about simplifying things, I guess I would say – it’s as easy as 1, 2, 3:

1. BE CONSISTENT

2. USE PATIENCE AND PRAISE

3. LISTEN TO THEM, LAUGH WITH THEM, AND LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY

Pencil Maker’s 4th Lesson: In Life You Will Undergo Painful Sharpenings Which Will Only Make You Better

Posted on January 11, 2011 by viviankirkfield

Image via Wikipedia

Have you ever watched a blacksmith working on a piece of iron? He handles it with long tongs and repeatedly passes the metal through the flames to heat it while he works on it. This tempers the iron and makes it stronger.

Life is like that with us. Some of us have to go through many painful experiences…emotional and/or physical. But when we emerge, we are stronger. Most of the time, we don’t purposely “walk into the fire”. When you think about it though, every time we step out of our “comfort zone” and learn a new skill or master a new task or take a new job or begin a new relationship, we are allowing ourselves to be tested and improved. This is lesson #4 of the pencil maker: In Life You Will Undergo Painful Sharpenings Which Will Only Make You Better.

How can we relate this to parenting? Our children look to us for guidance and direction as each day they face new experiences, develop new relationships and have to master new skills and tasks. If you think about it, young children are undergoing painful sharpenings on a daily basis.

1. We need to be good role models…you need to walk the walk, as they say, not just talk the talk. Don’t expect your children to follow one mode of behavior while you follow another.

2. We need to be caring of others…not only those we know like our friends and family. Help your children learn to reach out to others by sponsoring a child in a third world country or choosing to help out at a soup kitchen for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Make a family project of going through your children’s toys, books and clothes (and your own) and donate to a local shelter. Decide to give up going to the movies and eating out and get a free movie from your local library and have sandwiches at home instead…use the money you save to shop with your children for canned goods and bring them to a local food bank.

3. When your child experiences a sharpening in his or her life, be there in a supportive and loving role…if a beloved hamster dies, don’t make light of it even if the hamster wasn’t important to you. Treat your child’s feelings of grief and sadness with respect.

4. When you experience a sharpening in your life, such as losing a job or dealing with a serious health problem, try to be honest with your children. Young children can be tender and compassionate if you give them the opportunity and their self-esteem soars when you give them respect and listen to their suggestions.

5. We all want to protect our children from sadness or unhappiness…but these emotions are a part of life…sheltering a child from ever experiencing these feeling will not enable him to learn to cope with the challenges life will inevitably bring his way.

The frightening tragedy this past week has left many, both adults and children, dealing with a plethora of negative feelings: pain, disbelief, anger, sadness. Reading a children’s picture book will not take these feelings away, but it can open a window for discussion and allow a child to be more comfortable talking about his feelings or concerns. A few good children’s picture books for acknowledging and coping with grief and sadness are:

AFTER CHARLOTTE’S MOM DIED written by Cornelia Spelman

NANA UPSTAIRS, NANA DOWNSTAIRS written and illustrated by Tomie dePaola

GOODBYE MOUSIE written by Robie Harris

Tune in tomorrow for the last lesson of the Pencil Maker: To Be The Best Pencil, You must Allow Yourself To Be Held And Guided By The Hand That Holds You.