The Pencil Maker’s 2nd Lesson: You Can Always Correct The Mistakes You Make

Posted on January 9, 2011 by viviankirkfield

: Image via Wikipedia

When I was in school and writing a term paper, my mother always encouraged me to put my thoughts down on the paper as they came to me. “Don’t worry”, she would tell me. “You can fix it later. That’s why God invented erasers.”

Now it’s true that life is not a school assignment. And I don’t really believe that God invented erasers (although perhaps he inspired the person who did).

But I think the pencil maker’s instruction to the pencil – YOU CAN ALWAYS CORRECT THE MISTAKES YOU MAKE – is an important concept for today’s parents to remember…for themselves and as they interact with their children.

1. As a parent, we need to be willing to admit that we are not always right. Yes, we may be HEROES to our young children, but if we make a mistake, we can admit that…to ourselves and to our children. Children appreciate honesty and will follow your lead by being honest with you. If you are non-judgmental, your child will be more likely to come to you when something is wrong.

2. If your child is having trouble reaching a goal (like potty-training or mastering buttons and shoelaces), continue to be encouraging and patient. We all need a cheering committee and parents are a child’s most important fans! Perhaps you can share a similar experience from your childhood…this does not lessen your stature with your child…it only helps your child realize that he is not the only one who has difficulty with this and that he will succeed if he continues working at it.

3. Allow your child to make mistakes and experience failure. These are two of the most important lessons in life…if we always step in to “fix” things, our children will never learn to succeed on their own…real self-esteem is built on mastering tasks and skills and a genuine feeling of competence and confidence in one’s own abilities. Keep an eye on your child’s frustration level and be willing to step in to lend a hand or suggest an alternate solution.

4. Encourage your child to try new experiences…and try them with him or her. Last week we went to see our twin 5-year old grandchildren ice-skating. Our grand-daughter is learning figure-skating and whirled and twirled past us, an amazing smile lighting up her face, while our grandson, outfitted in his team’s ice-hockey gear, whizzed by so fast, his name on the helmet was a blur. Our son and his wife both skate with their children, encouraging them and supporting them and having a great time in the process: positive parental participation in action!

Tomorrow’s post: Lesson #3…What Is Important Is Inside Of You.

Everything You Do Will Always Leave A Mark

Posted on January 8, 2011 by viviankirkfield

Image via Wikipedia

Have you heard the story of the pencil maker and the five important lessons he told the pencil just before putting it in the box?

When I heard the story, I was struck by the parallel between a pencil and a parent. This post is the first of five that will consider those five lessons.

LESSON #1: EVERYTHING YOU DO WILL ALWAYS MAKE A MARK

Kind of scary, isn’t it, especially when you’re a parent? We’re not talking about leaving a physical mark – although unfortunately, that happens all too often, especially as people get stressed with financial worries, health problems, and relationship issues. The scars caused by verbal and emotional abuse can be more dangerous than the physical ones. They are not seen and often not addressed – and they can last forever, affecting a person’s ability to connect with others and reach their own potential.

Children are very vulnerable because they view their parents as PERFECT HEROES, at least when they are very young.

So, how can we leave “positive marks” on our children? I’m an advocate of Positive Parental Participation…the joyful, non-judgmental interaction of parent with child. This method of parenting

Does NOT allow children to do as they please, nor does it encourage the child to make the rules.
Does call for setting routines, encouraging independence and responsible behavior, creating a balanced day and, above all, loving your child unconditionally.
Does allow for appropriate consequences if a child misbehaves.
Does encourage spending quality time with your child – reading, crafting, cooking or doing whatever activities you enjoy together. Make mundane chores like cleaning the house a fun-filled experience by listening to music and dancing and dusting together.
Does support listening to your child with respect when he has something to say. Take his opinions and comments seriously. The bond you build with your child today will bear fruit in later years when he needs to share his problems and concerns and he turns to you.

This is easy advice to give – but I’ve been there and I do realize it is not always easy to accomplish and put into practice. And what if you are going through a difficult time with finances, health or relationships?

PLEASE – ASK FOR HELP! Your family doctor, religious advisor or even a good friend can listen and direct you to other sources of help. Local support groups exist for just about every issue you may be dealing with. In fact, JUST TALKING about your problem can help lift part of the burden. There are ALWAYS OTHER OPTIONS, no matter how frustrated or hopeless you feel. It’s really important, especially as a parent, to work at resolving your issues so that you will be able to be the person you were meant to be and the parent that your children need you to be.

Tune in tomorrow for the pencil maker’s Lesson #2: You Can Always Correct the Mistakes That You Make.

We’re All Afraid of Something Sometime

Posted on January 7, 2011 by viviankirkfield

Image via Wikipedia

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
-Winston ChurchillWinston Churchill, prime minister of England during World War II, wanted to inspire his countrymen and motivate them to continue their fight against a formidable enemy. To learn more about this courageous man, go to

www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winston_Churchill

What he said applies to our young children who often are beset with many different fears: fear of the dark and going to sleep, fear of monsters, fear of separation and getting lost, fear of new experiences and new places and fear of illness and death.Do you have a young child who is afraid of something? Is that fear keeping him or her from joining activities or socializing? Sitting down and talking to your child is a good step to take to try to help your child overcome that fear. But sometimes it’s hard to start a conversation about difficult topics. That’s why picture books are so valuable because they set the stage for a relaxed discussion about almost anything. For this situation,

a wonderful choice would be Frizzy The Fearful by Marjorie Weinman Sharmat. This little tiger is afraid of EVERYTHING, but with the help of his friends and mother, he learns that he can cope with those fears.

THE STORY: FRIZZY THE FEARFUL
Written by Majorie Weinman Sharmat
Illustrated by John Wollner Poor Little Frizzy Tiger! He is afraid of everything…high places and low places, the dark, loud noises, and pits in pit-less fruit. He avoids going places with his friends and he misses out on many fun-filled activities because he doesn’t want anyone to know how frightened he is. When he climbs a tree to help a friend, even though he is terrified, Frizzy realizes that everyone has fears and he begins to feel a little better about his own situation.

As you read the story with your child, you will have an opportunity to talk about it. When you are finished, ask your child to relay to you what happens in the story. You can share with your child about times that you were afraid of something and how you overcome your fear.

Participating with your child in a simple craft project is another great way to open a discussion. The following easy instructions

will produce a badge of courage that your child can wear with pride.Perhaps your child has just been to the dentist for a cleaning and went without making a fuss. Maybe he has finished his first week of nursery school and, even though he was anxious about being separated from you, he managed to enjoy his time there. Here is a badge of courage you can pin on your child that affirms his willingness to overcome his fears and accept life’s challenges.

THE CRAFT: A BADGE OF COURAGE

You will need: 2 pieces of construction paper (1 light and 1 dark), aluminum foil, ribbon, paste and a pair of scissors.1. Cut a 3-inch circle from dark paper and a 2-inch circle from aluminum foil and help your child paste the aluminum foil circle on the dark circle.
2. Cut a 1-inch circle from the light paper, write your child’s name on it and help him paste it in the middle of the aluminum foil circle.
3. Paste the ribbon at the back of the badge so it hangs down a few inches.
4. Pin the badge to your child’s shirt with a small safety pin.