The Pencil Maker’s 3rd Lesson: What Is Important Is Inside Of You

Posted on January 10, 2011 by viviankirkfield

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Look in the mirror. What do you see? A man or a woman, someone who is heavy or thin, tall or short, with hair that is curly or wavy or straight or a head with no hair at all. When someonelooks at you, can they know if you are courageous, or shy, or smart or compassionate?

The pencil maker’s third lesson to the pencil is: WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS INSIDE OF YOU.

How true this is! A person’s character is not displayed on his face. We cannot tell by looking at someone what kind of person they are. But how often do many people judge others by what they see on the surface.

There’s an old saying…you can’t tell a book by its cover. And the uniqueness of each individual is often hidden within.

1. In order to accept and love others as they are, we need to accept and love ourselves as we are. Never stop trying to be the best person you can be…but don’t berate yourself for your failings or weaknesses. If you need help overcoming or dealing with a problem, ask for it…join a support group, talk to a friend…don’t give up.

2. We can help our children become accepting and loving people by encouraging them to accept and love who they are and by loving them unconditionally. Celebrate your child’s unique qualities and strengths.

3. Sometimes it is difficult when a child displays different interests or talents from those of the rest of the family. But life shouldn’t be a paint-by-number existence. This is a parent’s opportunity to encourage these special gifts.

My passion for children’s picture books evolved into a program for preschoolers utilizing picture books and their messages to help children deal with many of the issues they encounter in their early years. The main characters in the following books express their individuality and, even though they are not always accepted or understood, they stay true to their inner self and persevere. Look for them in your local library or bookstore. Why not plan to read one with your child? Just by spending time participating positively with your children tells them they have value…one of the basic components of a positive self-image.

BRAVO MAURICE written and illustrated by Rebecca Bond

SHY CHARLES written and illustrated by Rosemary Wells

CROW BOY written and illustrated by Taro Yashima

OLIVER BUTTON IS A SISSY written and illustrated by Tomie de Paola

Tune in tomorrow for Lesson #4: In Life, You Will Undergo Painful Sharpening Which Will Only Make You Better.

By the way, there are so many valuable blogsites out there for parents…and giveaways galore…from time to time I’ll provide a link to a blog hop which can introduce you to many great bloggers at one time..check this one out: <script src=”http://www.linkytools.com/basic_linky_include.aspx?id=67827” type=”text/javascript” ></script>

The Pencil Maker’s 2nd Lesson: You Can Always Correct The Mistakes You Make

Posted on January 9, 2011 by viviankirkfield

: Image via Wikipedia

When I was in school and writing a term paper, my mother always encouraged me to put my thoughts down on the paper as they came to me. “Don’t worry”, she would tell me. “You can fix it later. That’s why God invented erasers.”

Now it’s true that life is not a school assignment. And I don’t really believe that God invented erasers (although perhaps he inspired the person who did).

But I think the pencil maker’s instruction to the pencil – YOU CAN ALWAYS CORRECT THE MISTAKES YOU MAKE – is an important concept for today’s parents to remember…for themselves and as they interact with their children.

1. As a parent, we need to be willing to admit that we are not always right. Yes, we may be HEROES to our young children, but if we make a mistake, we can admit that…to ourselves and to our children. Children appreciate honesty and will follow your lead by being honest with you. If you are non-judgmental, your child will be more likely to come to you when something is wrong.

2. If your child is having trouble reaching a goal (like potty-training or mastering buttons and shoelaces), continue to be encouraging and patient. We all need a cheering committee and parents are a child’s most important fans! Perhaps you can share a similar experience from your childhood…this does not lessen your stature with your child…it only helps your child realize that he is not the only one who has difficulty with this and that he will succeed if he continues working at it.

3. Allow your child to make mistakes and experience failure. These are two of the most important lessons in life…if we always step in to “fix” things, our children will never learn to succeed on their own…real self-esteem is built on mastering tasks and skills and a genuine feeling of competence and confidence in one’s own abilities. Keep an eye on your child’s frustration level and be willing to step in to lend a hand or suggest an alternate solution.

4. Encourage your child to try new experiences…and try them with him or her. Last week we went to see our twin 5-year old grandchildren ice-skating. Our grand-daughter is learning figure-skating and whirled and twirled past us, an amazing smile lighting up her face, while our grandson, outfitted in his team’s ice-hockey gear, whizzed by so fast, his name on the helmet was a blur. Our son and his wife both skate with their children, encouraging them and supporting them and having a great time in the process: positive parental participation in action!

Tomorrow’s post: Lesson #3…What Is Important Is Inside Of You.

Everything You Do Will Always Leave A Mark

Posted on January 8, 2011 by viviankirkfield

Image via Wikipedia

Have you heard the story of the pencil maker and the five important lessons he told the pencil just before putting it in the box?

When I heard the story, I was struck by the parallel between a pencil and a parent. This post is the first of five that will consider those five lessons.

LESSON #1: EVERYTHING YOU DO WILL ALWAYS MAKE A MARK

Kind of scary, isn’t it, especially when you’re a parent? We’re not talking about leaving a physical mark – although unfortunately, that happens all too often, especially as people get stressed with financial worries, health problems, and relationship issues. The scars caused by verbal and emotional abuse can be more dangerous than the physical ones. They are not seen and often not addressed – and they can last forever, affecting a person’s ability to connect with others and reach their own potential.

Children are very vulnerable because they view their parents as PERFECT HEROES, at least when they are very young.

So, how can we leave “positive marks” on our children? I’m an advocate of Positive Parental Participation…the joyful, non-judgmental interaction of parent with child. This method of parenting

Does NOT allow children to do as they please, nor does it encourage the child to make the rules.
Does call for setting routines, encouraging independence and responsible behavior, creating a balanced day and, above all, loving your child unconditionally.
Does allow for appropriate consequences if a child misbehaves.
Does encourage spending quality time with your child – reading, crafting, cooking or doing whatever activities you enjoy together. Make mundane chores like cleaning the house a fun-filled experience by listening to music and dancing and dusting together.
Does support listening to your child with respect when he has something to say. Take his opinions and comments seriously. The bond you build with your child today will bear fruit in later years when he needs to share his problems and concerns and he turns to you.

This is easy advice to give – but I’ve been there and I do realize it is not always easy to accomplish and put into practice. And what if you are going through a difficult time with finances, health or relationships?

PLEASE – ASK FOR HELP! Your family doctor, religious advisor or even a good friend can listen and direct you to other sources of help. Local support groups exist for just about every issue you may be dealing with. In fact, JUST TALKING about your problem can help lift part of the burden. There are ALWAYS OTHER OPTIONS, no matter how frustrated or hopeless you feel. It’s really important, especially as a parent, to work at resolving your issues so that you will be able to be the person you were meant to be and the parent that your children need you to be.

Tune in tomorrow for the pencil maker’s Lesson #2: You Can Always Correct the Mistakes That You Make.