The Big Picture: Will We Ever See It?

Posted on January 17, 2011 by viviankirkfield

Image via Wikipedia

One of the most amazing things about this blogging adventure is that it puts me in touch with so many other people.

Reading what others write is like living in a house with hundreds, thousands or even millions of windows…all equipped with a set of curtains, shutters, window shades or blinds. Each time you click on someone’s blog post, it is like pushing aside the curtains or opening the shutters, shades or blinds on that person’s mind…because in what they write, they are revealing their thoughts, hopes, dreams, concerns and beliefs.

Sometimes the posts are funny and sometimes they are sad. Some are informative and others are just very entertaining. But all of them have the potential of opening our minds and helping us find some inner truth we have been searching for.

This happened to me late last night as I read a post by one of my favorite bloggers: Eof737MirthandMotivation http://eof737.wordpress.com/2011/01/16/kismet-it%e2%80%99s-all-good%e2%80%a6/. She began her post with a quote that is a favorite of mine about everything happening for a reason. I do believe this is true but it got me thinking, especially in the aftermath of the Arizona tragedy, about how unfair life sometimes seems and how bad things happen to good people.

Picture you are walking down a road. This is your life’s journey. You can see what is in front of you and, if you turn your head, you can see a little to the sides and behind you as well. But you can’t see around the corner, nor do you know what you will find way down the road or what will happen if you take one of the side streets or forks in the road.

If, however, you could view the road from a plane or a point of really high elevation, you would see a lot more of what was ahead. However, you still wouldn’t be able to see the entire journey.

And perhaps that is one of the reasons why people who have a belief in God or a High Power or a Universal Creator can be more peaceful and positive about this difficult journey of life. They KNOW that there is a plan to all of this often bewildering, confusing and frustrating existence. They believe that even if they can’t see the whole journey, the Planner can, and they take comfort in that knowledge.

Whatever your beliefs, there are some basic things that we can do that will help us meet each day at our best. If you are a parent, these simple steps will help you give your children your best as well. Each day is a precious gift and should be used with loving care.

Get enough sleep…if you wake up refreshed and ready to meet the day, you’ve probably had the right amount…the number of hours needed is different for each person…but it should normally be about 8 hours…more for young people.
Eat healthy…fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, nix the processed, fatty and sugary stuff and fast-food take-out.
Stay hydrated…if you feel thirsty, your body is already dehydrated…eight glasses of water may seem like an impossible feat…I know it is really hard for me.
Meditate…find at least a few minutes every day to step back, be still, and embrace peacefulness.
Keep a positive attitude..and smile…did you know that when you answer the phone, the person on the other end can tell if you are smiling?
Stay connected to others…whether you go out to work or you are home with a houseful of young children (maybe especially if you are home with a houseful of young children), social interaction is important for your well-being.

Maybe that’s why social networking has become so popular world-wide…we all have a need to be connected with others.

And where does blogging fit into the scheme of things? It allows us to share our thoughts and find out what others are saying. What do you think?

Mammy: Mainstay of the Family or Fictionalized Caricature

Posted on January 16, 2011 by viviankirkfield

Image by ZacharyTirrell via Flickr

If you’ve seen the movie, Gone with the Wind, you’ll probably agree that one of the most endearing characters is that of Mammy, Scarlett’s outspoken but loyal house servant/slave. The movie Mammy seems to rule, not only the other slaves, but also the master, mistress and their children. Her advice is sought-after and everyone relies upon her to keep the household running smoothly. In fact, sometimes it seems she is more Mommy than Mammy.

After doing some research, I discovered that the character of Mammy (and mammies in general) is really a figment of the imagination of writers, movie directors and an entire advertising campaign set in motion to serve the political, social, and economic interests of mainstream white America both before and after slavery ended. However, since this is a post about the parenting skills and traits of the characters in Gone with the Wind, I’ll comment on Mammy as she appears in her role in the movie and leave the issues of slavery and its ramifications to the experts in that field.

So what type of “parent” is Mammy?

1. She gives unconditional love…even when she is scolding, we know she REALLY loves her charges…and they know it as well!

2. She sets rules and expects them to be followed, but is willing to negotiate in order to enforce those she deems most important. In one of the first scenes in the movie, Mammy is insisting that Scarlet eat her breakfast before attending the barbecue and festivities because it was a social disaster for a young lady to eat too much in front of others. But Scarlet wants to enjoy the barbecue and doesn’t care about social etiquette. She also wants to wear a dress that is too low cut for an afternoon party and so Mammy tells her that she can wear the dress with a shawl over it IF she eats her breakfast. A bribe, perhaps, but isn’t that the same as when we tell our children they can have their dessert IF they finish their dinner?

3. She is concerned for the safety of her “children”. When Scarlett decides to go to the city to try to get $300 from Rhett Butler to pay the taxes on the plantation, Mammy insists on accompanying her to make sure no harm comes to her.

4. She is willing to admit when she is wrong. Mammy’s opinion of Rhett undergoes a big change when she sees what a loving and caring father he is. By wearing the red taffeta petticoat Rhett had given her years before, she is declares her approval of him and even tells him that she had misjudged him.

Parents have a difficult job, no doubt about it. What parenting tips did we uncover from this examination of the characters in Gone With The Wind?

Give your children unconditional love and be supportive in all situations
Set rules and be consistent about the rules and the consequences for breaking them
Lead by example and be willing to admit when you are wrong
Be respectful of their opinions and attentive to what they have to say
Encourage them to have friends and get to know the parents of their friends
Help your children learn to set goals and follow through on reaching them
Instill a sense of hopefulness in your children
Provide a safe environment for your children
Spend time with your children, joyfully participating with them in various activities
Encourage your children to try new experiences and master tasks and skills

It was fun looking at these characters with a parenting state of mind. I hope these last few posts provided some entertainment and also some useful parenting tips.

Rhett Butler: From Devil-May-Care Scoundrel To Doting Dad

Posted on January 15, 2011 by viviankirkfield

Image via Wikipedia

We meet Rhett Butler early on in the movie. Standing in the expansive hallway of Twelve Oaks, his animal magnetism and piercing stare attract the attention of Scarlett O’Hara as she climbs the graceful winding staircase with her friends. Scarlett’s companions inform her that Rhett Butler is the son of an honorable and distinguished family, but “good” girls should avoid him because he is a rogue and a troublemaker.

While the other young ladies are taking a nap to rest up for the evening’s festivities, Scarlett sneaks downstairs to confront Ashley who, earlier in the day, had announced his engagement to his cousin, Melanie. Scarlett tells Ashley that she loves him and he says that he loves her as well, but that he is going ahead with his marriage to Melanie. As the door closes on Ashley, Scarlet throws a vase at the door, shattering it. As the pieces fall to the floor, Rhett, who had been lying down on the couch, unobserved by Scarlett or Ashley, stands up.

This begins their tumultuous on again – off again relationship. Throughout the years, we see many different sides of this enigmatic man…shrewd businessman (he makes a fortune as a privateer during the war), compassionate friend (he buys back Melanie’s wedding ring when she donates it to help the Confederate army and returns it to her because he understands how much it means to her), a man who disregards conventions (he pays a large sum of gold to dance with Scarlett even though she is a new widow and it is a definite no-no for her to dance).

However, when Scarlett has their baby, we see a soft and vulnerable side of Rhett.

There is a saying that when you become a mother, your heart no longer resides inside your body, but is now exposed to the world. This holds true for fathers as well, because Rhett changes his ways and becomes steady and gentle and concerned with what others think about him and his family. He wants only the best for little Bonnie and goes to great lengths to insure that the community accept him and think well of him.

Here are a few of the ways Rhett exhibited good parenting skills:

1. He spent time with his child, joyfully participating with her.

2. He encouraged his child to try new experiences and to master tasks and skills.

3. He was supportive if she failed to reach a goal and he understood and respected her fears.

4. He set limits and rules…he admonished her not to change the jumping bar.

If you’ve seen Gone With The Wind, you know that Bonnie did not listen to her father in this instance. She raised the jumping bar and her little pony was unable to jump over it and Bonnie was thrown from the horse and killed. Bonnie’s death creates a chasm between Scarlett and Rhett because each blamed the other. Unfortunately, this scenario takes place all too often in real life.

Parenting is the most difficult job in the world and the only one I know of that doesn’t require some kind of training or licensing. We all want to be good parents…and most of us are. But sometimes (many times) parenting can be frustrating and draining, both emotionally and physically.

1. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help if you need some time for yourself…investigate different options…maybe you can watch your friend’s child one afternoon and she will return the favor so that both of you can have an afternoon to yourselves.

2. If you need information or advice on parenting, there are many support groups, 1-800 help hot-lines, and local community organizations that stand ready to assist you to be the parent you want to be for your child.

Tune in tomorrow for the last post in the Gone With The Wind series…Mammy: Top Marks in Parenting Skills