Your preschooler needs a bucket list

Posted on September 11, 2010 by viviankirkfield

Several years ago, Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson starred in a movie called “The Bucket List” which told the tale of two older gentlemen who decided that before they died, there were a number of things they wanted to do. Many people, as they get older, begin to think about the things they never got around to doing, but wish they had. In fact, that’s one of the reasons I was thrilled when I visited my son in Chicago and he told me he had arranged for us to go skydiving. I had an awesome experience and I was able to cross one more item off my bucket list. http://bit.ly/b8By2X If you click on this link, you’ll be able to share that exciting ride with me!

There are many things that young children need to experience as well. I think there are some basic things that every preschooler should have the opportunity to do, although your family may want to add to the list or subtract from it, based on your individual situation.

So, here is my bucket list for a preschooler:

Hear the words, I LOVE YOU, every day!
Be shown by parents and other adults that he/she is loved and valued!
Be encouraged to master tasks and skills.
Be allowed to express his/her feelings, whether positive or negative.
Go to a zoo.
Jump in puddles after a rainstorm.
Play in the mud and get dirty.
Use art supplies (paints, crayons, clay, etc.) to express creativity.
Get a library card (as soon as your local library allows…go to the library on a regular basis.
Feel safe at home and in school, daycare or anywhere.
Be read a story (or two or more) on a daily basis.

As Alecia Devantier says in 101 THINGS EVERY KID SHOULD DO GROWING UP, “Childhood is a magical time of newfound joys and enriching experience. The gifts our children are given today will last a lifetime.”

What’s on your child’s bucket list?

Why I LOVED the start of school

Posted on September 6, 2010 by viviankirkfield

I know that many parents are anxious about their child starting school. I’ve addressed that in previous posts as well as how to help a child who is anxious about going to school. I began thinking about how I felt when my children started school: EXCITED, EAGER and HAPPY, and how my children felt about going to school: as far as I know they were EXCITED, EAGER, and HAPPY. And, even though it was a very LONG time ago, I can still remember how EXCITED, EAGER, and HAPPY I was when I started school.

So what did my mother do all those years ago to help me and my sister look forward to going to school with eager anticipation? I know that I tried to copy her winning formula when it came time to send my own children to school.

My mother had a matter-of-fact, upbeat and positive attitude about us going to school. I never heard her say anything negative about the school or our teachers. Children are so very sensitive to our emotions…if we are tense and anxious about something, they probably will be also.
We went to a neighborhood school, so we knew many of the children in our classes. Try to make sure that your child has visited the school before the first day…you can also try to connect with other parents of his classmates and arrange playdates so that your child will feel more comfortable with the other children.
We got a new pair of SCHOOL shoes and a new outfit to wear on the first day. And, when we got home from school each day, we took off our school clothes and put on play clothes. Somehow, that made “school” a very special place. Encourage your child to lay out his clothes the night before each school day…this will help lessen the last-minute rush in the morning.
My mother encouraged us to bring friends home after school (she was a stay-at-home mom…as were most moms in those days). Whether you have a career or not, try to set aside some time, perhaps on the weekend, to enable your child to get together with some of her classmates. Maybe you can form a group with several parents and alternate having a little monthly party to celebrate one of the children’s birthdays, a holiday or whatever you wish.
She loved hearing about our day at school…she was a great listener…what we did was important to her and she was happy to help us with homework or studying. In the early grades, I can remember sitting at the kitchen table and having her help me cut and glue magazine pictures. When I was in high school (and even in my college years), I can remember sitting on the floor at her feet, pad of paper and pen in hand, asking her, “Mom, how can I start this paper?”…and she would throw out several ideas and off I would go, scribbling like a maniac. Often, I would wind up changing the beginning that she had suggested, but her encouragement and willingness to help gave me the courage to trust my own inspiration and creativity. Try to be there for your child…always be ready to listen.
As the school year progressed, my parents attended as many school functions as they could, whether it was a meeting with the teacher or a play we were in. This showed me that what happened at school was important to my parents, and therefore, to me. Do your best to fit school functions into your schedule…if you are not able to attend an event, make sure there is someone else there to represent you so that your child doesn’t feel you don’t care…because then he might not either.

So why did I love the start of school: I believed my parents loved it also, I had new clothes and new shiny shoes, I was going to spend the day with friends, I knew my parents loved me, and I felt that school (and learning) was IMPORTANT. When my children were ready to attend school, I tried to recreate what my mother had done for me. And I hope that my children will do the same for their children.

Skydiving at 63

Posted on September 2, 2010 by viviankirkfield

Yesterday I posted a blog about the connection between skydiving and parenting, but I didn’t really talk about why I decided to jump out of a plane at age 63 and how it felt.

Life constantly offers us opportunities to grow. But I think most of the time we ignore them. I know that as a child, I was extremely timid (and intimidated) and I rarely wanted to do anything new or go anywhere different. Perhaps that’s why I am so passionate about helping children build a self-esteem and why I try to encourage parents to help their children develop confidence and a sense of competence. I guess there is at least one great advantage to getting older…at least for me. I tend to be willing to try new things and travel to new places. In fact, I look forward to these new experiences. So when my son told me that he had a surprise for me during my visit to him in Chicago, I was excited. And, when he informed me that the surprise was a skydiving adventure, I was thrilled. Maybe it sounds odd, but I wasn’t anxious or nervous about it. I guess by the time you reach my age, you realize that any one of a number of things can happen to end your life in the blink of an eye…crazy driver on the road, freak slip in the shower or an angry disenchanted person who decides to shot a bunch of people at the mall where you are shopping.

The atmosphere at the Chicagoland Skydiving Center seemed quite festive…families sitting at picnic tables waiting for someone who was already up in the air; children running to and fro, heads craned way back to watch the planes taking off and the people parachuting down; upbeat music from a loudspeaker blending with the cacophony of children playing; a line of people waiting to order corn dogs and ice-cold soda at the vendor’s trailer.

So now I’ll tell you about my skydiving experience. After registering in the main building, we waited until our names were called to attend the brief training session where they explained what would take place and what we should do while in the plane and out of it. The instructor described the position we should assume while jumping out and while in free-fall. As this was going to be a tandem jump for both myself and my son, it was important to know that we needed to keep our hands crossed on our chests, so as not to impede our “pro” to whom we would be harnessed. And to keep our head to the side in the crook of his neck, so as not to head-butt him and knock him out, rendering him unable to control the fall. There was a large group in the training session, so we were pleasantly surprised when we heard our names being called soon after the session was ended. We quickly made our way to the main building and were met by our “pros” who introduced themselves and proceeded to put us in the harness and explain how to crouch at the hatch (like a baseball catcher). The plane was just about ready to take off with our group of about 7 jumpers and their instructors and a couple of photographers, so we made our way over to the airfield, boarded the plane and arranged ourselves on the benches that lined the inside of the plane. For me, the smell of the engine fumes was the worst part of the experience. When they opened the hatch, the smell disappeared and the view of the countryside was beautiful, but we soon became too busy with preparations for the jump to notice anything. My son and his instructor were the first ones out. As soon as he had jumped, my instructor and I duck-walked (I had been sitting on his lap during the flight to 9000 ft so that he could attach my harness to him and his to me) to the open hatchway. We rocked back and forth two times and on the third…out we went. Running through my mind were the instructions we had received during the training session: head to the side in the crook of the instructor’s neck, back arched, legs between the legs of the instructor, feet tipped up toward his butt, hands crossed on my chest. The power of the wind and air pressure as we plummeted down was awesome. In a few seconds, I realized the photographer was falling in front of us, motioning to me to wave, give a thumbs up and smile! Which I did…you can see it all if you check out the video they made: lifepursuitvideo.com/asppublic/Vide… via @AddThis

After about 30 seconds of free-fall, the instructor put his arm out and his wrist in front of my face to show me that it was time to pull the ripcord…I, however, was too busy interacting with the photographer, so the instructor had to do it. WHOOSH!!! Up we went as the parachute opened and pulled us about 1000 feet back up…at least it felt like that. From then on, the experience consisted of a gentle descent, pleasant conversation and lovely views of the countryside which grew slowly closer with every minute. When we neared the ground, my instructor told me to bend my knees and stick my feet out as far and as high as I could. Our landing was unbelievably gentle…he touched down on his feet and told me to put my feet down…which I did, and, to my surprise, I was standing and walking. He unharnessed me and said, “Go see your son, he’s over there.” Looking around him, I saw Peter several yards away, with the biggest smile, giving me the thumbs up! Perhaps the best part of the experience was that I shared it with one of my grown children…continuing and strengthening the bond we’ve developed over the years. It was definitely a great day…one I will remember for the rest of my life!