Coping with Fears | VIVIAN KIRKFIELD – Writer for Children

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My grandmother was a very special lady.

She loved people and had an special place in her heart for children.

Every summer, each of her grandchildren was given the opportunity to spend two weeks with her in that warm and welcoming house on a tree-lined street in Brooklyn, New York.

When I was 4 years old, I pleaded to be allowed to go for my first sleepover. Even though my parents didn’t think I was old enough, they relented and so I helped my mother pack my little suitcase, dreaming of all the fun things I would do with my grandmother during those two weeks. Visits to the beach at Coney Island, hot dogs at Nathans, hours spent helping my grandmother bake and cook in her warm kitchen, planting seeds in her wildly beautiful and fragrant backyard garden.

Since all of my grandmother’s children and grandchildren visited her on Sundays, my family and I took the train from Manhattan to Brooklyn. I sat in my seat, my little suitcase at my feet, and could hardly wait for the train to arrive at her station.

After a fun-filled day of playing with my cousins, the house slowly emptied as my aunts and uncles and cousins left for their own homes and I bid farewell to my parents and older sister. I enjoyed the next few hours, helping my grandmother wash and dry the dishes. I played with her special box of costume jewelry that she kept just for little girls who love to wear sparkly things. I helped her prepare our dinner.

But, as evening approached, I began to feel very anxious and unhappy.

I wanted to go home to sleep in my own bed…in the room I shared with my sister.

Although my grandmother did try to encourage me to stay, she understood how I felt and did not try to pressure me or make light of my concerns. She called my parents and my father came to get me…no easy task since he had to take the subway from Manhattan to Brooklyn and then do the trip in reverse to bring me home. He had already made the trip back and forth earlier in the day. And the next day was Monday and he would have to do it again to go to work.

But there were no recriminations or “I told you so” comments from either of my parents.

Do you have a child who suffers from separation anxiety? Early on, young children form a very strong bond with their parents. While we don’t want to ever break that bond, each child has their own unique ability to stretch it…some are able to do it sooner and some later.

How can you help your children get to the point where they can watch you walk away and keep a smile on their faces and in their hearts?

Here are a few good tips that might help:

1. Reassure your child you will always return.

2. Keep your attitude positive and matter-of-fact.

3. Treat your child’s concerns with respect.

4. Offer stories of your own childhood experiences and feelings.

5. Read picture book stories where the main character faces a similar problem, but succeeds in overcoming it.

If you check out some of my past posts that address this issue, you will find some of those book suggestions and other tips that may help.

https://viviankirkfield.wordpress.com/2011/01/21/mommy-where-are-you/

https://viviankirkfield.wordpress.com/2011/01/19/help-where-am-i-im-lost/

https://viviankirkfield.wordpress.com/2010/07/29/is-your-child-anxious-about-starting-school/

You can also find more picture book recommendations, gentle parenting tips and fun-filled educational activities in my new parenting book

I hope you’ve all enjoyed The Grandma Chronicles. It was a wonderful experience for me, revisiting with my memories of a person who had a great impact on my early years…and in helping me to become the person I am today.

Tomorrow I will start a new series based on The Lessons of Nanny McFee. Have you seen the movie? I just did and I was struck by her five lessons…I think each one has a place in every parent’s rulebook.

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It was a cold gray late afternoon in New York City.

I was on my way home from a student teaching assignment in an unfamiliar part of Brooklyn. Leaving the school, I quickly walked to the subway station and boarded the train that would take me home. As the train pulled away from the very next stop, I realized that the name of that station was not one I recognized. Now I watched carefully as the train pulled into the next few stops. More unfamiliar names! A sick feeling formed in the pit of my stomach. I had gotten on the wrong train!

I must admit that I panicked. I got off at the next stop. Instead of finding a uniformed security person and asking which train I should board to return to the right route, I ran up the subway stairs, hailed the first cab that passed by, gave him my address and sat back, heart pounding.

It was an expensive lesson…the cab ride cost me $10 and that was A LOT of money in those days…but I did get home safely, so I guess it was worth it.

Have you ever been lost? Maybe there was a detour and you found yourself driving around and around, wondering which road to take. Perhaps you went for a hike on a park trail and meandered off to look at some interesting rock formations or a bunch of wild flowers and now you are not sure which way to go to return to the main path.

Many young children also worry about getting lost or separated from those they love. Although we want to encourage curiosity and independence, we are responsible for keeping our children safe from harm. Teaching your child his name, address and phone number, and what to do in case he is ever lost is very important and will enable him to feel more confident about his own ability to deal with such a situation. Reassure your child that you will always find him, no matter what…this will contribute to his feeling of safety.

You can also help children talk about their concerns by reading picture book stories that address the issue of getting lost. While you read the story, a window of opportunity for discussion opens…so please take advantage of it. Here’s one story suggestion on that topic:

ANGUS LOST written and illustrated by Marjorie Flack

This is a classic in children’s picture books. The copyright date is 1931 and the illustrations hearken by to a bygone era. That might be part of the charm of the story and you and your child can have a wonderful conversation about how milk was delivered in the olden days. J

Angus, a little terrier, is bored with his home and yard and he decides to see what the world is like. After several scary adventures, Angus wants very much to go home, but he cannot find his way. He spends the night hiding in a cave, trembling in fear the entire time. In the morning, he hears the familiar sound of the milkman’s horse and wagon and he eagerly follows them from house to house as the milkman makes his deliveries. Finally, Angus recognizes his very own yard and is relieved to be home at last.

After you read the story and talk about it, perhaps you and your child would like to make some “real” butter.

CHILD-FRIENDLY HOMEMADE BUTTER

You will need: 1 cup heavy whipping cream, electric mixer and a large bowl.

1. Pour the cream into the bowl and beat on medium until stiff peaks are formed (about 2-3 minutes). This is REAL WHIPPED CREAM!!!

2. Continue beating (4-8 minutes) and you will see the curds separate from the whey. You can sing “Little Miss Muffet” with your child while you are doing this and do the finger play later.

3. Pour off the whey and you will be left with a lump of pure butter.

4. Enjoy with crackers, bread or toast.

5. Put the leftover butter in a covered container and store in the refrigerator.

6. Instead of using the electric mixer, you could put the cream in a glass jar with a lid and shake…but this will take 5-30 minutes…and everyone’s hands will be tired.

Stop by tomorrow for another story suggestion and activity from my book. And I’ll tell you about the time I spent SIX HOURS reading Little Women while my mother and half the staff of a major New York department store searched for me.

WE ALL NEED A CHEERING COMMITTEE AND PARENTS ARE A CHILD’S MOST IMPORTANT FANS!