Everything You Do Will Always Leave A Mark

Posted on January 8, 2011 by viviankirkfield

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Have you heard the story of the pencil maker and the five important lessons he told the pencil just before putting it in the box?

When I heard the story, I was struck by the parallel between a pencil and a parent. This post is the first of five that will consider those five lessons.

LESSON #1: EVERYTHING YOU DO WILL ALWAYS MAKE A MARK

Kind of scary, isn’t it, especially when you’re a parent? We’re not talking about leaving a physical mark – although unfortunately, that happens all too often, especially as people get stressed with financial worries, health problems, and relationship issues. The scars caused by verbal and emotional abuse can be more dangerous than the physical ones. They are not seen and often not addressed – and they can last forever, affecting a person’s ability to connect with others and reach their own potential.

Children are very vulnerable because they view their parents as PERFECT HEROES, at least when they are very young.

So, how can we leave “positive marks” on our children? I’m an advocate of Positive Parental Participation…the joyful, non-judgmental interaction of parent with child. This method of parenting

Does NOT allow children to do as they please, nor does it encourage the child to make the rules.
Does call for setting routines, encouraging independence and responsible behavior, creating a balanced day and, above all, loving your child unconditionally.
Does allow for appropriate consequences if a child misbehaves.
Does encourage spending quality time with your child – reading, crafting, cooking or doing whatever activities you enjoy together. Make mundane chores like cleaning the house a fun-filled experience by listening to music and dancing and dusting together.
Does support listening to your child with respect when he has something to say. Take his opinions and comments seriously. The bond you build with your child today will bear fruit in later years when he needs to share his problems and concerns and he turns to you.

This is easy advice to give – but I’ve been there and I do realize it is not always easy to accomplish and put into practice. And what if you are going through a difficult time with finances, health or relationships?

PLEASE – ASK FOR HELP! Your family doctor, religious advisor or even a good friend can listen and direct you to other sources of help. Local support groups exist for just about every issue you may be dealing with. In fact, JUST TALKING about your problem can help lift part of the burden. There are ALWAYS OTHER OPTIONS, no matter how frustrated or hopeless you feel. It’s really important, especially as a parent, to work at resolving your issues so that you will be able to be the person you were meant to be and the parent that your children need you to be.

Tune in tomorrow for the pencil maker’s Lesson #2: You Can Always Correct the Mistakes That You Make.

We’re All Afraid of Something Sometime

Posted on January 7, 2011 by viviankirkfield

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“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
-Winston ChurchillWinston Churchill, prime minister of England during World War II, wanted to inspire his countrymen and motivate them to continue their fight against a formidable enemy. To learn more about this courageous man, go to

www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winston_Churchill

What he said applies to our young children who often are beset with many different fears: fear of the dark and going to sleep, fear of monsters, fear of separation and getting lost, fear of new experiences and new places and fear of illness and death.Do you have a young child who is afraid of something? Is that fear keeping him or her from joining activities or socializing? Sitting down and talking to your child is a good step to take to try to help your child overcome that fear. But sometimes it’s hard to start a conversation about difficult topics. That’s why picture books are so valuable because they set the stage for a relaxed discussion about almost anything. For this situation,

a wonderful choice would be Frizzy The Fearful by Marjorie Weinman Sharmat. This little tiger is afraid of EVERYTHING, but with the help of his friends and mother, he learns that he can cope with those fears.

THE STORY: FRIZZY THE FEARFUL
Written by Majorie Weinman Sharmat
Illustrated by John Wollner Poor Little Frizzy Tiger! He is afraid of everything…high places and low places, the dark, loud noises, and pits in pit-less fruit. He avoids going places with his friends and he misses out on many fun-filled activities because he doesn’t want anyone to know how frightened he is. When he climbs a tree to help a friend, even though he is terrified, Frizzy realizes that everyone has fears and he begins to feel a little better about his own situation.

As you read the story with your child, you will have an opportunity to talk about it. When you are finished, ask your child to relay to you what happens in the story. You can share with your child about times that you were afraid of something and how you overcome your fear.

Participating with your child in a simple craft project is another great way to open a discussion. The following easy instructions

will produce a badge of courage that your child can wear with pride.Perhaps your child has just been to the dentist for a cleaning and went without making a fuss. Maybe he has finished his first week of nursery school and, even though he was anxious about being separated from you, he managed to enjoy his time there. Here is a badge of courage you can pin on your child that affirms his willingness to overcome his fears and accept life’s challenges.

THE CRAFT: A BADGE OF COURAGE

You will need: 2 pieces of construction paper (1 light and 1 dark), aluminum foil, ribbon, paste and a pair of scissors.1. Cut a 3-inch circle from dark paper and a 2-inch circle from aluminum foil and help your child paste the aluminum foil circle on the dark circle.
2. Cut a 1-inch circle from the light paper, write your child’s name on it and help him paste it in the middle of the aluminum foil circle.
3. Paste the ribbon at the back of the badge so it hangs down a few inches.
4. Pin the badge to your child’s shirt with a small safety pin.

De-clutter Equals De-Stress

Posted on January 6, 2011 by viviankirkfield

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Did you know that living in a cluttered environment actually adds to your stress level?

It’s doubly hard for me because I would like to be organized and live more minimalistically, but my husband is a collector…of many things! Books, all things flyfishing, art supplies (he has taken up painting and is really very good). So you can imagine how difficult it is to keep things neat and in their proper places because we have so much STUFF that we sometimes run out of the proper places and stuff winds up on tables, chairs…even the back of the couch! If this sounds familiar, maybe the list of books below will help.

I am always waiting for the BIG block of time to REALLY get organized 🙂 but I think the secret is to simply make a decision to DO IT and when you have an hour or a half hour, clear one drawer or one table and just keep at it. Even if it takes a month or more, eventually you will be more organized and surrounded by less clutter. AHHHHHHHH!

There are hundreds of books available on organizing and cleaning up clutter. I’ve listed just a few you might want to get from the library or bookstore if you’ve decided to organize and want some more direction. Some of the books listed are geared for homes with children…children definitely benefit from living in an organized environment also! You can also go online and find a wealth of ideas.

1. Helping Kids Get Organized – Activities That Teach Time Management, Clutter Clearing, Project Planning and More by Robyn Freedman Spizman

2. Organized Kidz: E-Z solutions for Clutter-Free Living by Debbie and David Williams

3. Stop Clutter From Wrecking Your Family: Organize Your Children, Spouse and Home by Mike Nelson

4. Organized Living: Clutter Clearing Strategies and Creative Storage Solutions by Dawne Walter and Helen Chislett

My husband asked me the other day what my New Year’s resolutions were…now I know. In addition to trying to blog EVERY day with something of value, I am going to take my own advice and grab an hour or half hour every day and clear out one drawer, cabinet, counter or whatever…I promise to blog in a month and update everyone with my progress.