Holiday Parenting Tip: “It’s OK NOT to Share”

Posted on October 28, 2012 by viviankirkfield

I have been blogging about two years now. I started because I wanted to share my passion for using picture books to help young children build self-esteem. I also wanted to spread the word about my book, “Show Me How! Build Your Child’s Self-Esteem Through Reading, Crafting and Cooking”, and make it available to parents, grandparents, teachers, librarians and others who work with kids.

It’s been an exciting journey…and a satisfying one. I’ve connected with the most fantastic people all over the world. I’ll even be meeting one of them in person next May in Singapore when I participate at the 2013 Asian Festival of Children’s Content. I’ve also exchanged books with many authors and have enjoyed reading and reviewing their works.

Today I am thrilled to be spotlighting “It’s OK NOT to Share…and Other Renegade Rules for Raising Competent and Compassionate Kids”, written by Heather Shumaker.

Heather is a journalist…so she knows how to write. Heather researched dozens of child psychologists, educators and other experts and she is a mom herself…so she knows what she is talking about.

This book provides a no-nonsense commonsense approach to parents…a definite breath of fresh air. As you read this book, you will begin to feel the stress of parenting melt away…and the joy returning!

In Section I, she talks about “Reviving Free Play”…do you know that many preschools and kindergartens are curtailing play time so there is more opportunity for sitting the kids down with dittos and computers to learn to read and write? But taking away free play has the opposite effect and the long-term results show that young children would benefit more from playing with blocks.

The other day, I did a post on the top ten toys for young kids. Heather encourages parents and teachers to ‘Welcome Free Play’ with this list:

1. Make literacy joyful: read with them, sing with them, do finger-plays, let kids fall in love with words now…and reading will follow after.

2. Go outside: walk in the woods or the neighborhood, play with balls, sand and water.

3. Choose open-ended toys that promote imagination: blocks, play-dough, non-branded stuffed animals and dolls, cardboard boxes, dress-up clothes, bells. (Our lists for this are almost identical!)

4. Offer space: kids need room to play…move or remove furniture if necessary.

5. Cut structured activities: kick a ball around with your child, make up your own games…when I visited my grandson, we took a big ball and walked over to the tennis court (which has a high fence all around it and a gate that locks…no worries about balls rolling into traffic) and played kick the ball and run after it for an hour. When we needed to take a break from running, we walked around the inner perimeter of the court and observed bugs, leaves and puddles…taking time to jump in some of those, just for fun!

6. Look for a play-based preschool: look for schools where at least ¾ of the time is devoted to free play and play-time in at least one to two hour blocks of time.

7. Slow down: both you and your child will be happier and less stressed.

In Section II, Heather explains that “It’s OK Not to Share.” If you have younger siblings, I’m sure you will remember having to give up a toy to a brother or sister because they clamored for it and your mom told you, “Give it to your sister…she’s just a baby.” Does that encourage love between siblings? NO! Does it help the younger one learn to respect others? NO! Does it teach patience? NO!

In Section V, the author spotlights “Creativity, Persistence and Empty Praise”. At workshops and school programs, one of the things I share with parents is that they can encourage their children by allowing them to create art as they see it, not as the parent thinks it should look. As Heather says, “Art doesn’t have to be pretty.” According to Heather, “Showering kids with praise is NOT the same as building healthy self-confidence.” Acknowledging what the child has done, instead of saying things like “Good job or very pretty or that’s nice”, is much better for their inner self-worth. With so much focus on bullying and how we need to stop it in schools and playgrounds, we must pay attention to this advice…helping children develop a positive self-image and true self-esteem is crucial!

Each of the eight sections of the book is CHOCKFUL of real-life scenarios involving kids and adults. Perhaps you’ll see yourself in some of the examples…I know I did. However, the author does not make us feel badly…she provides simple tips, techniques and examples that will help us engage in meaningful interaction with our children, creating balance and harmony for the entire family.

You can find copies of this book for sale on Amazon (what an amazing holiday gift for any parent or teacher), or go to the author’s website where you can find many other purchasing options and learn how to connect with her. The book was a joy to read and I will be passing my copy along to my daughter who has a four-year old son…I know she will love it.

Don’t forget that Wednesday is the Halloweensie Contest on Susanna Leonard Hill’s blog…I’ll be posting my Halloween Picture Book story…in 100 words or less…I’ll include the link to the page where you will be able to read all of the other entries. There are so many amazingly talented writers and illustrators out there…it will be great fun!

Preschool Readiness: Tips to Ensure Your Child is Prepared (ourkids10.wordpress.com)
5 tips to reduce screen time for children (expatsincebirth.com)
The End Of Bullying Begins With Me (howtolearn.com)
7 Tips To Boost Kids’ Confidence Back at School (psychcentral.com)
Writing frenzy (not) (dderbydave.wordpress.com)
Kirkfield Puts Out New Book That Builds Self-Esteem and Combats Child Obesity (prweb.com)
Expert: Parents should model good communication (newsherald.com)
Domestic Violence Awareness: What I Didn’t Know, Hurt Me. (rhachellenicol.com)
From An Abused Child To You / B.C. Girl’s Suicide Begs Answer To The Question, At Whose Feet Do We Lay The Blame For These Tragedies? (archemdis.com)

Sunday Post: Toys…Top Ten Toys for Young Kids

Posted on October 14, 2012 by viviankirkfield

My grandson at 6 months…the stuffed bear belonged to his momma…my daughter

Jake at Time after Time has a Sunday Post Challenge and every week he provides a theme…this week’s theme is TOYS.

As parents, our goal is to provide our children with everything they should have. Nourishing food – A safe place to live – Clean clothes to wear – Love and compassion – Reassurance when they are afraid – Consistency – An atmosphere that encourages learning.

Sometimes, parents feel they have to give their children EVERYTHING…and stores and the media encourage that belief…offering toys of every size and shape. Many parents spend more than they can afford to provide their kids with expensive electronic gadgets and ‘must-have’ items.

How much is too much?

To be honest, many young children would prefer the box that the toy comes in!

Here’s a list of my top 10 picks of what belongs on a young child’s toy shelf:

Stuffed animals/Dolls
Books
Blocks
Art supplies like crayons, paper, glue stick, safety scissors, markers, clay, paint
Pretend play clothes
Puzzles
Musical instruments like drums, bells, triangles
Matching games like dominos
Sports equipment like balls, hula hoops, bowling pins
Flannel board pieces and puppets for storytelling and role play

What have I forgotten? What would you add?

Want more information about Jake’s Sunday Post?

http://jakesprinters.wordpress.com/

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How to recognize if your child is being bullied…9News Report

Posted on August 27, 2012 by viviankirkfield

I just got back from the 9NEWS TV studio in Denver and wanted to share with you the piece we did on bullying.

Here’s the link to the video clip of the show…it’s only 3 minutes long…but packed with critical info on bullying: http://www.9news.com/video/default.aspx?bctid=1808390606001

With the new school year just getting underway, kids need to be prepared with more than just a new outfit and a shiny backpack! Parents also need to be aware of the subtle signs of bullying and what they should do if they suspect a bullying problem.

Bullying is a problem that has been around forever…but the effects on our children seem to have intensified, especially with texting and social media available to the bullies.

How to recognize if your child is being bullied

Written by

Blair Shiff

Physical bullying at school, as depicted in the film Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

–>KUSA – Denver Public Schools started back on Monday. Even though many kids are excited to see friends who were gone over the summer, some children are dreading returning to school due to bullying.

So, how do you know if your child is being bullied if they won’t tell you? Vivian Kirkfield joined 9NEWS at 8 a.m. on Monday to discuss some warning signs that your child may be a victim of a bully.

“There are a couple of subtle signs, and some not-so-subtle,” Kirkfield said. “One of them would be a child coming home scratched or bruised. Another might be a child coming home with belongings missing, like their new bookbag is gone, a jacket or some of their books perhaps.”

Kirkfield says another sign may be your child not wanting to take the bus to school or are walking a different route to school. But the signs may not just be from your child returning or going to school. The issues may permeate into family relations also.

“Maybe they always gotten along with siblings and now, all of the sudden, they are fighting with brothers and sisters,” Kirkfield said. “Maybe they are having trouble sleeping … or bad dreams.”

Kirkfield says sudden complaints of health conditions like a headache or a stomach ache may be a sign too.

“Although all of those symptoms could be caused by other problems, a parent really needs to be sensitive to it and act upon it,” Kirkfield said.

A lot of times, a school will notice a problem on a playground and give parents a heads up. However, if that’s not the case, how does a parent confront their kid about possible bullying?

“Most of the time, children do not want to talk about the bullying because either they’re embarrassed or they’re afraid,” Kirkfield said. “Maybe they’ve been told ‘I’m really going to beat you up,’ or ‘kill your brother.’ Parents can speak with their child and ask direct questions such as ‘Is somebody bothering you at school?’ And ask indirect questions such as ‘Is there anybody at school you don’t like?'”

Kirkfield says a child might be much more willing to talk about something like that than to come straight out and admit they are being bullied.

“Even after your child doesn’t come out and say it … definitely talk to the school staff,” Kirkfield said. “Talk with your child’s teacher, with the child’s principal, guidance counselor, because they are there. Police really need to form that connection with the school early on, even if there isn’t a problem with bullying.”

Kirkfield says parents need to stay involved in their child’s school.