Living in the moment

Posted on July 15, 2010 by viviankirkfield

They say we should live in the moment.

I think this is true…but it is certainly hard to do.

Especially when you are raising children.

When your newborn baby is lying in his crib, you wonder…when will he start to smile at me?

As your baby girl kicks her feet in the air, you think…when will she turn over?

When will he crawl, stand up, walk on his own?

When will she talk, write her name, ride a bike?

Perhaps this is part of the human condition…this almost constant quest for the next stage of development. Maybe this characteristic of ours is what drives civilization to newer technologies and what causes yesterday’s inventions to become obsolete.

Take a breath…look around you…this moment will never be experienced again.

Be in this moment with your child…share a story and participate together in an activity…you will be creating a life-long bond.

Here’s a suggestion for a story to read to your preschooler (but any story will do):

I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE YOU: written by Lisa Baker, illustrated by David McPhail: Story summary:

Mother Fox tells her son that she loves him when he is happy as well as when he is angry, when he is sick in bed as well as when he is running around, when he is shouting as well as when he is quiet. Little Fox is very comforted by the fact that his mother loves him just as he is.

LOVE COLLAGE CRAFT PROJECT: You will need: A piece of construction paper, old magazines, scissors, paste and crayons.

Talk to your child about the things she loves…her family, pets, playing ball, eating ice cream, the color blue, etc.
Look through the magazines and help your child cut out pictures that illustrate what she loves.
Paste the pictures onto the paper…let your child use the crayons to draw additional things (or people) she loves that she couldn’t find pictures of, such as herself and you!
Hang the picture up in a place of honor in your home…what a boost to your child’s self-esteem!

Does it always get worse before it gets better?

Posted on July 14, 2010 by viviankirkfield

The other day I wrote about the new carpeting we are getting.

I was excited, not only for the new carpeting, but also because I was looking forward to the opportunity to CLEAR OUT ALL THE CLUTTER that tends to accumulate on bookshelves and the dining room table and in cabinets and drawers. In fact, in and on virtually any surface or space that is available to park papers, books, the odd piece of clothing…you name it and it is probably there…somewhere…but please don’t ask me to find it!

I guess I should have known by now, having moved several times during the last 4 decades, that things would get worse before they got better. It definitely looks like we are moving…with half-filled boxes on the floor and the dining room table littered with papers (do we really need that piece?). I’m glad our children are grown, because adding little ones into the mix would only make it more difficult.

However, there is a shining light in the distance…my heart beats with hope (or is that from walking up and down the stairs 20 times with boxes of books?)…the 2 bookcases are EMPTY!

Next step: wrap and box the dozens of framed photos and knicknacks on the piano and sideboard.

At times, it does seem overwhelming. Parenting can seem like that also, don’t you agree? So, I guess I will try to do some of the things I did when my children were young that helped me put everything in the proper perspective:

Make a list of what I need to do each day…the night before! (You sleep so much better when you’ve written it down.)
Get a good night’s sleep! (Not always easy to do with little ones…have a cup of soothing tea before bedtime, close your eyes for a few minutes, breathe deeply, visualize the job done.)
Do the hardest or most unpleasant thing first…it empowers me and energizes me for the rest of the day! (There is a book out there called EAT THE FROG! Check it out…it talks about this phenomenon.)
Take breaks to walk, dance to great music, sit in the sun for a few minutes! (All work and no rest or play can burn you out quickly.)
Ask for help if I need it! (Sometimes we are too proud to ask for help because we think we should be able to do EVERYTHING by ourselves…is that you?)
Spend time with the ones I love…in person or on the phone…this renews me! (If you have children, no matter what you are involved in, please try to spend positive time with them…someone once said: To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today…so true.)

I hope this list helps some of you…just making it has already helped me!

Steinbrenner – Parenting: Where’s the Connection?

Posted on July 14, 2010 by viviankirkfield

Today I read about the death of George Steinbrenner, principal owner and managing partner of the New York Yankees.

Although many may have disagreed with his controversial policies and decisions, I think most people would say he devoted his life to his team, even those players and managers who were fined and fired (and often rehired) at his direction.

He led the Yankees to 11 Pennants and 7 World Series titles. He was tough on his players, instituting a ban on most facial hair, and he insisted that all players, coaches and executives keep their hair trimmed to collar-length at most. He negotiated for higher salaries for his team. He was definitely a hands-on owner.

So, why do I say there is a connection between George Steinbrenner and parenting?

Let’s look at a list of some of the key phrases that we could use to describe him:

Devoted his life to his team
Led his team to victory many times
Tough on his players
Instituted controversial policies and made decisions not always approved of by team members
Was a hands-on owner involved in the day-to-day workings of the team

George Steinbrenner’s style of “parenting” his team is probably NOT the one that you or I would want to use for our children. However, most good parents:

Make many decisions that are not always approved of by their children.
Have times when they need to be tough on their children.
Devote a good part of their lives to raising their children the best way they know how.
Encourage their children to master tasks and skills and celebrate each victory they experience.
Are hands-on parents.

Perhaps the biggest difference was that George Steinbrenner did not embrace the “POSITIVE parental participation” philosophy. Maybe if he had, the media would have been kinder to him.