The Pencil Maker’s 2nd Lesson: You Can Always Correct The Mistakes You Make

Posted on January 9, 2011 by viviankirkfield

: Image via Wikipedia

When I was in school and writing a term paper, my mother always encouraged me to put my thoughts down on the paper as they came to me. “Don’t worry”, she would tell me. “You can fix it later. That’s why God invented erasers.”

Now it’s true that life is not a school assignment. And I don’t really believe that God invented erasers (although perhaps he inspired the person who did).

But I think the pencil maker’s instruction to the pencil – YOU CAN ALWAYS CORRECT THE MISTAKES YOU MAKE – is an important concept for today’s parents to remember…for themselves and as they interact with their children.

1. As a parent, we need to be willing to admit that we are not always right. Yes, we may be HEROES to our young children, but if we make a mistake, we can admit that…to ourselves and to our children. Children appreciate honesty and will follow your lead by being honest with you. If you are non-judgmental, your child will be more likely to come to you when something is wrong.

2. If your child is having trouble reaching a goal (like potty-training or mastering buttons and shoelaces), continue to be encouraging and patient. We all need a cheering committee and parents are a child’s most important fans! Perhaps you can share a similar experience from your childhood…this does not lessen your stature with your child…it only helps your child realize that he is not the only one who has difficulty with this and that he will succeed if he continues working at it.

3. Allow your child to make mistakes and experience failure. These are two of the most important lessons in life…if we always step in to “fix” things, our children will never learn to succeed on their own…real self-esteem is built on mastering tasks and skills and a genuine feeling of competence and confidence in one’s own abilities. Keep an eye on your child’s frustration level and be willing to step in to lend a hand or suggest an alternate solution.

4. Encourage your child to try new experiences…and try them with him or her. Last week we went to see our twin 5-year old grandchildren ice-skating. Our grand-daughter is learning figure-skating and whirled and twirled past us, an amazing smile lighting up her face, while our grandson, outfitted in his team’s ice-hockey gear, whizzed by so fast, his name on the helmet was a blur. Our son and his wife both skate with their children, encouraging them and supporting them and having a great time in the process: positive parental participation in action!

Tomorrow’s post: Lesson #3…What Is Important Is Inside Of You.

Everything You Do Will Always Leave A Mark

Posted on January 8, 2011 by viviankirkfield

Image via Wikipedia

Have you heard the story of the pencil maker and the five important lessons he told the pencil just before putting it in the box?

When I heard the story, I was struck by the parallel between a pencil and a parent. This post is the first of five that will consider those five lessons.

LESSON #1: EVERYTHING YOU DO WILL ALWAYS MAKE A MARK

Kind of scary, isn’t it, especially when you’re a parent? We’re not talking about leaving a physical mark – although unfortunately, that happens all too often, especially as people get stressed with financial worries, health problems, and relationship issues. The scars caused by verbal and emotional abuse can be more dangerous than the physical ones. They are not seen and often not addressed – and they can last forever, affecting a person’s ability to connect with others and reach their own potential.

Children are very vulnerable because they view their parents as PERFECT HEROES, at least when they are very young.

So, how can we leave “positive marks” on our children? I’m an advocate of Positive Parental Participation…the joyful, non-judgmental interaction of parent with child. This method of parenting

Does NOT allow children to do as they please, nor does it encourage the child to make the rules.
Does call for setting routines, encouraging independence and responsible behavior, creating a balanced day and, above all, loving your child unconditionally.
Does allow for appropriate consequences if a child misbehaves.
Does encourage spending quality time with your child – reading, crafting, cooking or doing whatever activities you enjoy together. Make mundane chores like cleaning the house a fun-filled experience by listening to music and dancing and dusting together.
Does support listening to your child with respect when he has something to say. Take his opinions and comments seriously. The bond you build with your child today will bear fruit in later years when he needs to share his problems and concerns and he turns to you.

This is easy advice to give – but I’ve been there and I do realize it is not always easy to accomplish and put into practice. And what if you are going through a difficult time with finances, health or relationships?

PLEASE – ASK FOR HELP! Your family doctor, religious advisor or even a good friend can listen and direct you to other sources of help. Local support groups exist for just about every issue you may be dealing with. In fact, JUST TALKING about your problem can help lift part of the burden. There are ALWAYS OTHER OPTIONS, no matter how frustrated or hopeless you feel. It’s really important, especially as a parent, to work at resolving your issues so that you will be able to be the person you were meant to be and the parent that your children need you to be.

Tune in tomorrow for the pencil maker’s Lesson #2: You Can Always Correct the Mistakes That You Make.

De-clutter Equals De-Stress

Posted on January 6, 2011 by viviankirkfield

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Did you know that living in a cluttered environment actually adds to your stress level?

It’s doubly hard for me because I would like to be organized and live more minimalistically, but my husband is a collector…of many things! Books, all things flyfishing, art supplies (he has taken up painting and is really very good). So you can imagine how difficult it is to keep things neat and in their proper places because we have so much STUFF that we sometimes run out of the proper places and stuff winds up on tables, chairs…even the back of the couch! If this sounds familiar, maybe the list of books below will help.

I am always waiting for the BIG block of time to REALLY get organized 🙂 but I think the secret is to simply make a decision to DO IT and when you have an hour or a half hour, clear one drawer or one table and just keep at it. Even if it takes a month or more, eventually you will be more organized and surrounded by less clutter. AHHHHHHHH!

There are hundreds of books available on organizing and cleaning up clutter. I’ve listed just a few you might want to get from the library or bookstore if you’ve decided to organize and want some more direction. Some of the books listed are geared for homes with children…children definitely benefit from living in an organized environment also! You can also go online and find a wealth of ideas.

1. Helping Kids Get Organized – Activities That Teach Time Management, Clutter Clearing, Project Planning and More by Robyn Freedman Spizman

2. Organized Kidz: E-Z solutions for Clutter-Free Living by Debbie and David Williams

3. Stop Clutter From Wrecking Your Family: Organize Your Children, Spouse and Home by Mike Nelson

4. Organized Living: Clutter Clearing Strategies and Creative Storage Solutions by Dawne Walter and Helen Chislett

My husband asked me the other day what my New Year’s resolutions were…now I know. In addition to trying to blog EVERY day with something of value, I am going to take my own advice and grab an hour or half hour every day and clear out one drawer, cabinet, counter or whatever…I promise to blog in a month and update everyone with my progress.